Tami

LOVE LOVE LOVE

2010-04-20T14:30:00.001-07:00

I am SO blissfully happy!

Re-Run

2010-01-23T15:01:00.000-08:00

Its just like when I was 17. I had broken up with the love of my life, he wasn't speaking to me or answering my phone calls. We accidentally ran into each other at a restaurant and we both pretended we didn't know each other. We didn't look at each other, we didn't speak to each other. It made me feel so awful. I couldn't eat my food and it basically ruined my night.

Fast forward to today. Again, have broken up with only the second person I have truly loved. Not speaking, not texting, emailing, etc. We have run into each other twice at the bar. Ignored each other, didn't look at each other. Made me feel awful and ruined my night, twice.

I have come to the conclusion that relationships aren't worth it. It is too hard to find a good one and when they end, it hurts way too much. I can't keep doing this. It has been almost two months and I can't move on. I can't get over it. I am a mess.

I think it is time to be done. Its me and my kids and no more pain.

2009-12-20T18:29:00.000-08:00

I am not very good at this blogging thing. So, the weightloss. It is coming along. I have lost twenty pounds. I feel a lot better about myself physically.

I should have lost more by now but I admit, while I never gained during the process, I did stay the same for several weeks. I got into a relationship and that led to eating out a lot, not making the best food choices, etc.

I am now out of that relationship and while it may be good for my diet, it is very hard on my soul. I am the one that did the breaking up, for my own sanity. It wasn't a healthy relationship. However, I left feeling very sad and depressed. Very alone and empty. I hate feeling this way. I have not felt this way in a long time. I don't think I felt this bad even after my divorce.

This is also a hard time of year to feel this way. Lord help me get through the days.

Thank you to my Dad and Step-Mom for their amazing Christmas gift. It really did help me and the boys will certainly benefit from it.

I love you all.

Time for a change.

2009-07-20T17:03:00.000-07:00

I have been reluctant to announce this, mostly because I am afraid of failure...and everyone knowing I failed. But, here it goes. I have started Weight Watchers. I have only been on the program for a week. WW suggests loosing no more than 2lbs a week. Today was my first weigh in and I lost 9.2 pounds. The first week is always a lot more than normal. I sorta feel like it is a fluke. I really hope and pray that I can keep it up. I need to feel better about myself, get out of this funk I am in. I am hoping this is the cure. I find that when lots of changes start happening that are out of my control, I panic and slip into a depression. It is hard for me to be out of control. So, I am hoping that by being in control of this and doing something good for myself will help.

Camping

2009-06-28T18:30:00.000-07:00

The boys and I went camping with Kasey and his family. We had fun! I got a little sunburned. We all got a few bug bites but considering how many millions of mosquitos were out there, a few is pretty good! I love spending time with Kasey. I am going to post a blog soon about my HUGE frustrations with my Mom.

DANE COOK!!

2009-05-23T22:49:00.000-07:00

On May 21 me and two friends saw Dane Cook perform at the E Center. We were chosen to meet him backstage. It was SO fun! He is such a funny guy. SO HOT! Why can't he be single and like fat girls?! haha. I got to HUG Dane Cook! aaahhhhhh.... The pic is horrible, but here it is anyway.

New Hair!

2009-05-12T19:25:00.000-07:00

I cut my hair. I don't like it. It is WAY too short. It was supposed to be longer in front but the hairdresser got scissor happy. I am now taking prenatel vitamins to try to get it to grow faster, haha.

April 22, 2009

2009-04-23T09:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday would have been my nine year wedding anniversary. Sometimes I do regret that would couldn't make things work. Being in a marriage together, raising our children together would be ideal. But, I also know that getting a divorce was for the best. I am much happier now. The kids are happier seeing me happy and not having to hear and see us fight all the time. Ike is not happier unfortunately. I am not sure what happened but I guess he never learned to take care of himself. He really is a mess and I feel bad for him but I am no longer responsible for him and refuse to let his actions and bad decisions effect my life.

So, yesterday was a good day. I had the day off so I was lazy all day. I layed around with a good friend of mine. It was nice and relaxing. It was also my awesome friend Brandi's 21st birthday. So that evening I went to dinnner with her and her family then her and I and some friends went to a bar. We a had a lot of fun.

Happy Birthday to Brandi.
Happy ex-Anniversary to Ike and I.
Happy to be single!

An update!

2009-04-05T20:08:00.000-07:00

So, almost a year later...here it is! I realized that I was always writing such negative things and my life wasn't really going the way I wanted it to and I decided I didn't need to keep sharing that with everyone. But, things are going really good now and people are telling they need an update.

My anemia got worse. The size of my red blood cells got really small, I was a mess. I was sent to a hematologist and she put me on some different meds that didn't help. She was stumped and finally sent me to the hospital every week for IV therapy and I have had to stop my period. I can't afford to loose anything. So after several treatments my levels are finally to the lowest end of normal. Considering what they were, this is a huge success! I have to stay on meds but the IV treatments are done for now, as long as I don't have a period. In the course of this my B12 plummeted to dangerous levels as well and was NOT coming back up. So low in fact that nerve damage has began and an MRI shows a tiny bit of dementia. Who knew that B12 was so important. Unfortunately, these things are not reversable. I now give myself monthly B12 injections at home to make sure none of this gets worse. But I have to say that I am finally starting to feel better. I am slowly feeling the energy come back a tiny bit and my moods are imporoving. I am breathing a little easier and just over all, feeling better.

The Ike situation is getting a lot better. He got evicted from my apartments here and moved into another apartment. He got evicted from there as well. So now he is in Magna living with a couple of girls in a house. This is good! He is far enough away from me that I never see him except when exchanging the kids. I am getting child support from ORS. Things are getting better.

I still work as a relay operator for the deaf and hard of hearing. I have been there almost a year. I don't love the job, I tolerate it. But, they are good to work with the schedule I need for the kids. So it works for now. I still have about two years till Christian is in school. When that happens, I think I will go back to Phlebotomy.

Dating...I am done with it. I have gotten so burned out on it. I was meeting people who were so crazily clingy or just wanted a "Friend With Benefits". I am not okay with either situation. I was dating so much that it got to the point where I literally got sick to my stomach when thinking about going out any more. So I am done and have felt a lot better since then. I don't need men in my life. I have my sweet little boys and my friends and an amazing church. That is all I need right now.

And Church...I LOVE it! I have found a really great church. K2. I love it. My kids love it. I don't know what more to say about it, it is simply great and I can now say I have an awesome relationship with my Lord and Savior. I was babtized in September in Sugar House Park at Burning Heart. I feel great!

The boys are doing good. Noah is really cathing up on his reading. He is only about a half a grade behind now which is a HUGE improvement. Noah LOVES video games. He is a very sweet boy. He is really doing great in developing his relationship with Christ as well. Christian is in pre-school and really enjoys it. He is such a friendly little boy. He loves everyone. He is so cuddly and loving. They are both doing great and really looking forward to Spring and Summer.

We moved into a bigger apartment. We are in the same complex but in a two bedroom. Mommy finally gets her own room! Rent is a little expensive, but it is worth it.

I think I covered everything :o) I will try a little harder at keeping up.

Dating Sucks!

2008-07-17T19:53:00.001-07:00

I hate it! I am SO sick of getting hurt! I am pretty cautious and don't really get "excited" about many men. But, when I do, I ALWAYS get hurt! It really amazes me how hot and cold people can be. One minute they are telling you that you are "Perfect" and "Amazing" and the next minute, they are cold and distant and not talking. I can't take it! I am going to be single forever! I only wish that my personality was okay with that. I am just not they type that can be alone. I don't know how my mom does it!

Just life stuff and 4th of July

2008-07-06T13:10:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. A lot has been going on. Ike is causing me a lot of grief. A couple of weeks ago, right after he moved in, he told me he didn't have enough money to make his car payment. He asked if he could borrow money from me. He has stolen money from me before when he couldn't pay his rent so I said no. The next day he tried to break into my apartment and broke the locks. I just don't know how to get away from him and the things he does to me. I guess the only answer is moving out of state. Where the heck would I go!?!

I have been diagnosed with severe Anemia. So bad that if I were to get sick or hurt, my body wouldn't be able to heal itself and I could potentially die. I am on some meds and have to have it re-checked the end of this month. If it doesn't improve, I have to see a hematologist. It is making my life difficult. I am very, very tired. I get dizzy really easy. I am very forgetful and clumsy. Mostly, just SO tired!

This weekend I am going to New Mexico to visit a friend. I am looking forward to the getaway!

We had fun for the 4th. We went to SugarHouse park. They had a little Arts Festival then we watched fireworks. It was so hot and I got a little sunburned. It took a LOT of out me and I am still trying to recover but the kids had fun.

Noah's summer haircut

Getting their faces painted

Kasey and Kayden

My New Neighbor

2008-06-21T18:59:00.000-07:00

Ike moved in today. He lives in the building next to me. I met his new girl friend. It's all very weird. I am not sure how I feel about it. He is still in the "new" phase of his relationship with his girl friend and doing things that aren't like him to impress her. Usually he NEVER takes the kids when it isn't one of his days. Well, she is buying dinner so he invited them over to eat and play. Very nice, but NOT like him at all. I wonder how long it will last. I am glad I met her, now I don't feel intimidated or worried about accidentally bumping into her. My life feels so strange!

May 14, 2008

2008-06-19T10:04:00.000-07:00

My divorce was final May 14, 2008. I just found out today. I don't know why but it feels weird. I am very happy though! Yay!

Skimpy!?!

2008-06-17T14:09:00.000-07:00

My Dear friend Justin just informed me that my blogspot is skimpy! :o( Well! I know I haven't been blogging much after making the declaration that I was going to. BUT, I have a good reason. My life right now (and for the past year) hasn't been full of much. Okay, I take that back. It has been plenty full but full of Ike's b.s. and divorce drama. I am sure people get sick of hearing/reading me complain all the time. I will do my best to keep up the blogs and hopefully you don't decide to pull your hair out from my crappy moods!

The latest drama in my life is complicated and of course deals with Ike so I am not sure I want to get into it. It also involved my family and lead to my mom not speaking to me for almost a week. She is now, and of course acts like nothing happened. Another taboo subject I guess. That is a big problem with my family, they don't communicate. They all complain about the lack of communication but once someone finally does it, they get shunned!

Ike is moving into my apartment complex this week and that is going to be tough. He has a steady girlfriend now so it will be weird if I see her coming and going. The part that pisses me off the most though is that Ike introduced our kids to her and didn't tell me about it. We have a rule that our kids don't meet our "dates" until it is serious, and then with the other parents permission. I had to hear from Noah that he met Daddy's girlfriend. It is SO DAMN frustrating to know that I can't count on him for anything, not even to uphold the rules we set together for our children.

If they are together a month from now, I say they will either be talking marriage or he will be saying she might be pregnant. Which reminds me, I need to get the state to take child support from his paychecks so if either happen, he doesn't try to take it out on me by saying he can't afford child support.

Ike

2008-06-10T16:47:00.000-07:00

So, it is time for one of those unpleasant blogs I mentioned. One of the biggest problems in my life is, of course, my ex husband Ike. He has made this divorce very, very difficult every step of the way. He continues to make being a co-parent with him much harder and more stressful than it needs to be. When we split up, we established some rules regarding our kids to try to protect them from a few things. One of those rules was that they would not meet anyone we were dating until it had become serious and have been given the go-ahead from the other parent. Ike and I have argued about this a couple of times in the last year. He wanted the boys to hang out with him and his latest fling but asked me first and of course I said no. I was seeing someone last November and I felt the time had come for him to meet my kids and Ike said no. He admitted it was mostly out of jealousy. I respected his wishes and the kids did not meet him. Turns out it was a good thing because we broke up soon after. Anyway, Noah tell me today that "Daddy thinks Jessica is sexy, does that mean he is in love with her?" I know who Jessica is, I haven't met her but Ike met her online so I have checker her out as much as I can. Ike has been seeing her as a friend for a few months but it has never been more than that. He is still seeing other people while seeing her. I asked Noah if he has meet Jessica and he said yes, lots of times. They hang out almost every weekend he is at his Dad's house! This really upsets me for a few reasons. The biggest being, Ike never talked to me about this. He is breaking our biggest rule. Second, if he is going to expose my children to another woman and her family on a regular basis, I feel like I should know about it! And, lastly, he is telling Noah she is sexy! You just don't tell a 7 year old those sort of things! Honestly, this shouldn't surprise me. Ike only thinks with his "little head". He has never put his children first through this process. He looks at his visitation as getting in the way of his social life. He has never done anything to try to make all of this easier for anyone. But, for some reason, I expected him to uphold our rules and respect them. I guess, yet again, I was expecting too much. I cannot begin to express how upset he makes me. Not just this incidence, but everything he does. He treats me so horribly but still expects me to act as his friend and his wife....those are things I don't want to get into right now. But, he is one of the issues I need to work through and honestly don't know how to. He will always be my children's father and he will always be an ass...so, what do I do?

New to this

2008-06-08T19:03:00.000-07:00

I have decided to start a blog. I read my cousin Jen's all the time and really enjoy it. If it weren't for her blog, I wouldn't know what is going on with her life. So, I thought I would try it too. I have to say that this is has been a very hard year from me so I can't promise my blog's are going to be happy and upbeat. I am still trying to come to terms with all of the changes that have taken place in my life and it is difficult. I know that once I can just accept some of the things I am struggling with, then my life will be a lot easier. It is just accepting them that is the hard part. I am trying though. So, bare with me!

Today my boys and I, Kasey, Jill and Kayden went to Millcreek canyon for lunch. The boys had a blast. I took a million picture and will post some of them.

Christian is fascinated with snails. He found this shell and thought it was a treasure!
He is trying to poke at the fire and still hold his precious snail! I was able to get him to make a "bed" for it and put it so sleep before we left. I have found enough snails in pockets to last me a life time!

Me and Kayden. He is six weeks old and starting to fill out some. He is such a cute baby! My freckels are starting to come out and I hate it!
Kasey is such a sweet, proud Papa!
Cooking marshmallows. They loved to cook them (burn them) but didn't really want to eat them.

I think that is all for now. Thanks for reading!