Dating Sucks!

I hate it! I am SO sick of getting hurt! I am pretty cautious and don't really get "excited" about many men. But, when I do, I ALWAYS get hurt! It really amazes me how hot and cold people can be. One minute they are telling you that you are "Perfect" and "Amazing" and the next minute, they are cold and distant and not talking. I can't take it! I am going to be single forever! I only wish that my personality was okay with that. I am just not they type that can be alone. I don't know how my mom does it!

Just life stuff and 4th of July

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. A lot has been going on. Ike is causing me a lot of grief. A couple of weeks ago, right after he moved in, he told me he didn't have enough money to make his car payment. He asked if he could borrow money from me. He has stolen money from me before when he couldn't pay his rent so I said no. The next day he tried to break into my apartment and broke the locks. I just don't know how to get away from him and the things he does to me. I guess the only answer is moving out of state. Where the heck would I go!?!

I have been diagnosed with severe Anemia. So bad that if I were to get sick or hurt, my body wouldn't be able to heal itself and I could potentially die. I am on some meds and have to have it re-checked the end of this month. If it doesn't improve, I have to see a hematologist. It is making my life difficult. I am very, very tired. I get dizzy really easy. I am very forgetful and clumsy. Mostly, just SO tired!

This weekend I am going to New Mexico to visit a friend. I am looking forward to the getaway!

We had fun for the 4th. We went to SugarHouse park. They had a little Arts Festival then we watched fireworks. It was so hot and I got a little sunburned. It took a LOT of out me and I am still trying to recover but the kids had fun.

Noah's summer haircut

Getting their faces painted

Kasey and Kayden

My New Neighbor

Ike moved in today. He lives in the building next to me. I met his new girl friend. It's all very weird. I am not sure how I feel about it. He is still in the "new" phase of his relationship with his girl friend and doing things that aren't like him to impress her. Usually he NEVER takes the kids when it isn't one of his days. Well, she is buying dinner so he invited them over to eat and play. Very nice, but NOT like him at all. I wonder how long it will last. I am glad I met her, now I don't feel intimidated or worried about accidentally bumping into her. My life feels so strange!

May 14, 2008

My divorce was final May 14, 2008. I just found out today. I don't know why but it feels weird. I am very happy though! Yay!

Skimpy!?!

My Dear friend Justin just informed me that my blogspot is skimpy! :o( Well! I know I haven't been blogging much after making the declaration that I was going to. BUT, I have a good reason. My life right now (and for the past year) hasn't been full of much. Okay, I take that back. It has been plenty full but full of Ike's b.s. and divorce drama. I am sure people get sick of hearing/reading me complain all the time. I will do my best to keep up the blogs and hopefully you don't decide to pull your hair out from my crappy moods!

The latest drama in my life is complicated and of course deals with Ike so I am not sure I want to get into it. It also involved my family and lead to my mom not speaking to me for almost a week. She is now, and of course acts like nothing happened. Another taboo subject I guess. That is a big problem with my family, they don't communicate. They all complain about the lack of communication but once someone finally does it, they get shunned!

Ike is moving into my apartment complex this week and that is going to be tough. He has a steady girlfriend now so it will be weird if I see her coming and going. The part that pisses me off the most though is that Ike introduced our kids to her and didn't tell me about it. We have a rule that our kids don't meet our "dates" until it is serious, and then with the other parents permission. I had to hear from Noah that he met Daddy's girlfriend. It is SO DAMN frustrating to know that I can't count on him for anything, not even to uphold the rules we set together for our children.

If they are together a month from now, I say they will either be talking marriage or he will be saying she might be pregnant. Which reminds me, I need to get the state to take child support from his paychecks so if either happen, he doesn't try to take it out on me by saying he can't afford child support.

Ike

So, it is time for one of those unpleasant blogs I mentioned. One of the biggest problems in my life is, of course, my ex husband Ike. He has made this divorce very, very difficult every step of the way. He continues to make being a co-parent with him much harder and more stressful than it needs to be. When we split up, we established some rules regarding our kids to try to protect them from a few things. One of those rules was that they would not meet anyone we were dating until it had become serious and have been given the go-ahead from the other parent. Ike and I have argued about this a couple of times in the last year. He wanted the boys to hang out with him and his latest fling but asked me first and of course I said no. I was seeing someone last November and I felt the time had come for him to meet my kids and Ike said no. He admitted it was mostly out of jealousy. I respected his wishes and the kids did not meet him. Turns out it was a good thing because we broke up soon after. Anyway, Noah tell me today that "Daddy thinks Jessica is sexy, does that mean he is in love with her?" I know who Jessica is, I haven't met her but Ike met her online so I have checker her out as much as I can. Ike has been seeing her as a friend for a few months but it has never been more than that. He is still seeing other people while seeing her. I asked Noah if he has meet Jessica and he said yes, lots of times. They hang out almost every weekend he is at his Dad's house! This really upsets me for a few reasons. The biggest being, Ike never talked to me about this. He is breaking our biggest rule. Second, if he is going to expose my children to another woman and her family on a regular basis, I feel like I should know about it! And, lastly, he is telling Noah she is sexy! You just don't tell a 7 year old those sort of things! Honestly, this shouldn't surprise me. Ike only thinks with his "little head". He has never put his children first through this process. He looks at his visitation as getting in the way of his social life. He has never done anything to try to make all of this easier for anyone. But, for some reason, I expected him to uphold our rules and respect them. I guess, yet again, I was expecting too much. I cannot begin to express how upset he makes me. Not just this incidence, but everything he does. He treats me so horribly but still expects me to act as his friend and his wife....those are things I don't want to get into right now. But, he is one of the issues I need to work through and honestly don't know how to. He will always be my children's father and he will always be an ass...so, what do I do?

New to this

I have decided to start a blog. I read my cousin Jen's all the time and really enjoy it. If it weren't for her blog, I wouldn't know what is going on with her life. So, I thought I would try it too. I have to say that this is has been a very hard year from me so I can't promise my blog's are going to be happy and upbeat. I am still trying to come to terms with all of the changes that have taken place in my life and it is difficult. I know that once I can just accept some of the things I am struggling with, then my life will be a lot easier. It is just accepting them that is the hard part. I am trying though. So, bare with me!

Today my boys and I, Kasey, Jill and Kayden went to Millcreek canyon for lunch. The boys had a blast. I took a million picture and will post some of them.

Christian is fascinated with snails. He found this shell and thought it was a treasure!
He is trying to poke at the fire and still hold his precious snail! I was able to get him to make a "bed" for it and put it so sleep before we left. I have found enough snails in pockets to last me a life time!

Me and Kayden. He is six weeks old and starting to fill out some. He is such a cute baby! My freckels are starting to come out and I hate it!
Kasey is such a sweet, proud Papa!
Cooking marshmallows. They loved to cook them (burn them) but didn't really want to eat them.

I think that is all for now. Thanks for reading!